Forty Thoughts About 40 Years of Sobriety

On February 15th, 2025, I celebrate forty years of continuous sobriety from drugs and alcohol. And Yes, it is the day after Valentine’s Day, and a woman was involved. I had ruined yet another relationship, and I was feeling sorry for myself up to the 14th…

Forty positives of long-term recovery and things I’ve learned along the way:

I no longer crash cars or lose my license.

Wetting the bed (or a friend’s couch) is a distant memory.

All-day hangover headaches and nausea are a thing of the past.

My nose isn’t bright red like my grandfather’s was.

I’ve never seen my kids intoxicated, and better yet — they have never seen me intoxicated…

Successfully broke the many generational familial legacies of alcoholism.

I believe that alcohol is a family disease and a trauma-based disease — not a genetic one.

I understand and accept (and you should too) — that addiction is a brain illness, not a moral issue.

I wake up every morning without regrets from the night before.

Helping others in recovery from addictions of all kinds has been, with the exception of raising my children, the number one joy of my life AND the thing that has helped me stay sober.

I’ve rediscovered the joy of genuine laughter.

Discovered that “networking” doesn’t require a wine glass in hand.

I’ve learned I don’t need alcohol to make love, dance, or talk to the opposite sex…

My drunk dial list has been replaced with actual contacts who answer my calls.

My liver thanks me every day.

Sunrises are prettier when you’re waking up to them, not stumbling home during them.

Found out I’m actually an introvert, not just perpetually hungover, scared of the world.

I found out what brunch food tastes like. Who knew eggs weren’t just hangover medicine?

My relationships are now built on trust instead of “Hey, can you bail me out?”

I’ve learned to feel my emotions without numbing them. (this was not easy.)

It turns out “self-care” isn’t just a fancy term for “hair of the dog.” It’s taking care of yourself without creating tomorrow’s problems.

My children have never had to help me into the house from the car. I always wondered how my father got the car in the driveway in that condition but then couldn’t get in the house…

I no longer need excuses for my behavior.

I’ve learned that “fun” and “alcohol” aren’t synonymous and are not how men have fun.

I can handle stress without reaching for a drink.

Developed the magical ability to wake up in my own bed.

Found out that life’s natural highs last longer and have better endings

The phrase “I’m sorry” has evolved from a slurred daily special to a genuine, occasional expression of accountability. Much better.

I can enjoy a meal without needing a drink to “enhance” it.

It turns out that “living life to the fullest” works better when you’re present for it.

My apologies are now for actual mistakes, not blackout behaviors

I’ve learned that time is precious, not something to be wasted.

I can be present for life’s big moments. For example, raising exceptional children, college graduations, marriages, and grandchildren.

Turns out “sleep it off” isn’t a valid life strategy

I no longer need alcohol to “loosen up” at social events.

Discovered my natural ability to have fun without chemical enhancement

Found strength and personal growth in vulnerability instead of hiding behind substances.

Overcoming imposter syndrome in long-term recovery one day at a time.

Found out what “natural endorphins” actually feel like.

Forty years later, every day sober is still a gift. And unlike my drinking days, it’s one gift I don’t need to return, exchange, or apologize for.